1.    Ask for feedback. That’s right! Don’t wait for feedback to be offered. When you want or need information, take the initiative and ask.

2.    Ask for specific feedback. When you ask for feedback, be sure to help the other person give you information you can really use. Rather than saying something very general such as, “How am I doing?” let the person know what you want to find out. For example, if you want to know how your contribution in the last team meeting came across, you might say something like this. “Do you remember when I chimed in at the team meeting? I said that I thought we’d be more effective in handling complaints if we had someone appointed each day to be the lead person for taking care of whatever came in? Well, I want to know how you thought I did in presenting my case. Did I get my point across? Was I too long-winded? What do you think?”

3.    Treat feedback as a gift. It may be easy for you to think of positive feedback – e.g., someone thanking you for a job well done –  as a gift. Most find it more difficult to think of feedback that is not positive or complimentary as a gift. Still, all feedback is a gift. As a result of the feedback, you have information that you did not have before. If you are treating feedback as a gift, you will thank the person offering it and – in the event that you decide to do something differently as a result of the feedback – let them know what you did and how it turns out.

4.    Offer specific feedback. Just as it is more useful to you when you receive specific information as feedback, it is more helpful to others when you offer specific feedback. If you have information that you believe will help someone be more effective, give them the specifics. You might want to begin with the context or situation– e.g., last week when we were trying to figure out where the budget figures were off. . . Next tell what happened (the subject of your feedback, how the situation was approached). “You wouldn’t move off of your position that it was simply an input error.” Then let them know how this affected you and the issue - i.e., what the result of how they approached the situation. “Thank you for standing firm. We have now discovered just how that happened. You were right.” It is easy to remember to give specific feedback if you think of it as an opportunity to SHARE - S-situation; HA- How Approached; R-Result; and E-Expectation - what you would like to continue or to change for the future.  

5.    Pay attention to your intentions. Before you offer feedback, consider just what you are trying to accomplish. Positive intentions for feedback include:

•    helping the person recognize what he or she is doing that is working well so it can be continued,
•    helping that person recognize and avoid a potential pitfall, or
•    offering information on something that is not working well so this can be adjusted.

These all offer opportunities for the person to be more effective. On the other hand, feedback is not helpful when your intention is to get something off your chest, criticize, or put down the other person. Remember that the goal of feedback is growth and learning.

6.    Focus on understanding. Feedback is a dialog, not one-way communication. Whether you are giving or receiving feedback, you will learn more if you really listen and pay attention to what is being said (or not said, in some cases). Wait to respond until the other person has finished what he is saying. Give back key points in your own words to make sure that you have heard correctly. Ask questions to clarify what you are not sure of and be certain to ask for examples to help you understand the other person’s perspective.

7.    Work to be understood. The other side of focusing on understanding is doing everything you can to make sure that you are being understood. This does not mean simply asking, “Do you understand.”. It might mean asking the other person to summarize (especially if you have been giving a lot of information) or encouraging the person to contrast her perspective with yours.

8.    Balance telling and asking. Since feedback is dialog, be sure that you ask questions as well as offer your point of view. This is as true for receiving feedback as it is for giving feedback. Use open-ended questions to make the feedback conversational. These questions typically begin with “what . . ., how . . . , when . . . “ and they are questions that are not easily answered with a single word (yes, no, etc.). Pay attention, however, that your questions do not begin to sound more like an inquisition than a conversation.

9.    Be honest. This may be obvious to you. However, many people worry that others will not be able to hear things that need to be improved without feeling hurt or becoming angry with the person giving them the feedback. True, everyone would prefer to hear good news. However giving specific feedback, including the situation and the behaviors that contributed to the outcome, focuses the feedback on what happened, rather than on the person. This makes receiving it much easier. Dishonesty, even for the best of reasons, denies the other person the opportunity to improve.

10.    Make feedback a habit. Feedback becomes easier when it comes frequently. Ask for feedback whenever you want to know how others perceived your behavior or contribution. Offer feedback whenever you witness others’ behavior or contribution that you want to reinforce or when you observe something that offers others opportunities for learning.